Summer Revisited
by a.lakewood
Summary: THE LAKE -- It had been five long years since the last time Ryan Welling had stepped foot on the sandy shore of Lake Eleanor. Five years since the worst summer he'd spent at the lake ended with an even more terrible tragedy.


**Title**: Summer Revisited  
**Fandom**: The Lake [a webseries on The WB]  
**Author**: alakewood  
**Warnings**: Spoilers through _Summer Decisions_ if you've watched the series on Hulu or at the WB site, through _Summer Changes_ if you downloaded it off of iTunes.  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Word** **Count**: 2800+  
**Summary**: _It had been five long years since the last time Ryan Welling had stepped foot on the sandy shore of Lake Eleanor. Five years since the worst summer he'd spent at the lake ended with an even more terrible tragedy._  
**Disclaimer**: As always, I own nothing.

**oxoxo**

It had been five long years since the last time Ryan Welling had stepped foot on the sandy shore of Lake Eleanor. Five years since the worst summer he'd spent at the lake ended with an even more terrible tragedy.

His life had slowly been unraveling, falling apart as the strongest threads frayed. The dissolution of his parents' marriage, his expulsion from school...He just felt lost and helpless and didn't know if any of the fragments of his former life that still remained could be salvaged.

It made him sick to see himself through Alexis' eyes. All she saw was his perfectly constructed facade – the shell that concealed the lie. It wasn't her fault she willingly accepted the untruths he had so desperately wanted everyone to believe. But he couldn't fool himself any longer. _Wouldn't_. And even when he told her the truth, she refused to see who he really was. He was done pretending - done _hiding_ - and if she couldn't accept _that_... So he'd broken up with her. He knew it was for the best and knew that, some day, she'd realize it too.

Sighing, Ryan kicked at a clod of dirt and grass that disintegrated almost instantaneously and sprayed a few feet out into the water. Chunks landed with small splashes that briefly rippled together before disappearing into the smooth surface of the lake.

Lost in memories of his past summers, gaze focused somewhere out over the water by the float raft, the reflection of the bright crescent moon came as a shock when his eyes unconsciously lit upon it. He'd been so absorbed in his mind that he hadn't noticed the sun setting or felt the chill of the wind off the lake. Shoving his hands into the pocket of his hooded sweatshirt, he turned away from the water and left the sandy shore.

His parents' summer house wasn't far, but the walk would inevitably take him past the houses where Alexis and Madison, and Olivia had spent their summers. He kept his stare focused on the sidewalk beneath his feet, time-honed familiarity of the path letting him know when it was safe to look up again.

Ryan was momentarily confused by what he saw – the living room window was aglow, gauzy curtains obscuring his view of the inside. He glanced at the house numbers, affirming what he already knew – that he was at the correct address – and a shadow passed behind the curtain. He fumbled his keys out of his jeans pocket as he rushed up the porch stairs unable to believe that someone had broken into the summer house.

The door, already unlocked, swung open without a sound, a wave of warm air striking him a the same time as the loud music blaring from a stereo somewhere inside. Silently, he crept further down the hallway towards where the large archway opened into the living room.

For a moment, he thought it was Madison, but her hair was a little longer, not as curly, and a little too disheveled and wasn't nearly as dark. Besides, she was a couple of inches too short and her face was nothing like Madison's when she turned to reach for another box and caught sight of him in the hallway. Green eyes wide, soft mouth dropping open in surprise. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" she questioned in a rush, glancing at the phone as she climbed to her feet.

"I should be asking you the same thing. This is my parents' house. Well, my mother's, anyway." It had been one of the few things she'd wanted out of the divorce settlement. "What are you doing with all of our things?"

"I..." She seemed conflicted, her gaze darting about the room before returning to his face. "You don't know?"

Ryan shook his head slowly, taking a few steps in her direction. "Know what?"

"That she sold the house? Dave and Nancy Sherman bought it a week ago...I'm sorry." She hesitated briefly before moving around the pile of boxes to stand before him. "I'm Cassidy," she said, offering her hand. "I work at the clubhouse. Mrs. Welling – your mother, asked me to get some of the more valuable items packed for her before the movers got here. You must be...Ryan?"

"Yeah." He limply shook her hand. "She sold the house?"

Cassidy looked away again. "She said that everyone else left. That she was the only one who still came up here for the summer. And it's not the place it used to be for her anymore." She shrugged a shoulder. "She wasn't happy here, anyway."

"What do you know about my mother?" Half defensive, half curious.

"This last summer, she didn't leave the house much. I knew she was lonely so I stopped by when I got off work. She _told_ me she was unhappy."

Ryan nodded, turned his gaze to the floor. He hadn't seen his mother since Christmas. He'd gained access to his trust fund not long after than, finished college, and traveled all summer. Somehow, he'd ended up back in Lake Eleanor.

"Look...the movers won't be here until the day after tomorrow and the Sherman's won't be moving in for...a while. I suppose it would be okay if you stayed here – assuming that's why you're here?"

"I have to get permission to stay in my own house," he said, voice low. "Unbelievable."

"Technically, it's not your house anymore. It's been bought and paid for by the Sherman's."

"I...You wouldn't understand."

Cassidy scoffed. "No. I probably wouldn't." she turned her back to him and returned to packing away various items from the shelves in the living room.

Ryan took the hint and left the room, heading upstairs. His bedroom was just as he'd left it all those years ago. Right down to the few photographs taped to the mirror on the back of his dresser and the poster of Megan Fox on the wall beside his bed. He went to the mirror and pulled the pictures off of it. Happier times. _Simpler_ times. A time before his life was made more complicated by his parents' split and the debacle of school.

Before death cast a long, dark shadow over every good memory of his summers spent at Lake Eleanor.

**oxo**

Ryan had taken Olivia to the club dance just before Labor Day, the last big event of the summer. She'd been great company, even if she was nervous and distracted all night. Until Drew arrived unexpectedly and wooed her away.

Madison had come in with her brother and she slowly circled Luke and Alexis, staying far enough away so as that they wouldn't notice her. She waited until her step-sister excused herself from Luke's company before she approached him.

Ryan made his way towards the refreshments table, closer to where Madison and Luke stood, so he could eavesdrop on the conversation. Judging by the look of determination on Madison's face as she'd watched Luke and Alexis, Ryan had a pretty good idea what she might have to say.

Madison proved his theory right when she blurted, "I like you, Luke. I _really_ like you. A lot." Ryan caught sight of Alexis probably around the same time as Luke which was when Madison continued, "And I – I think, maybe, that you might like me, too. I mean, you almost kissed me. You were going to kiss me after you..." She stopped suddenly as though she'd temporarily forgotten that they weren't alone. Then she must've seen something on Luke's face that Ryan couldn't see, her lips pressing into the thin line to keep her chin from trembling. "Oh. I-I see. I guess I'll..." Her teary gaze flitted up to Ryan's face before she turned and all but fled from the dance floor and across the clubhouse lawn.

"Madison!" Luke called after her, not moving.

"I'll go find her," Ryan offered, clapping a hand on Luke's shoulder. "She probably doesn't want to talk to you just yet." He caught up with her on the path down by the lake.

"I'm so stupid," she said to him, wiping tears from under her eyes with her fingers. She sniffled.

"No, you're not. He's just...confused."

"I'm sure." She laughed self-deprecatingly. "Because choosing between me and Alexis is hard."

"But you and Luke have a history. You've been friends for a long time; before he even _knew_ Alexis. I don't- I don't think he'd just give all that up."

"You don't know how he feels about her."

"It's probably just a...an infatuation, you know?"

Madison nodded as if she were agreeing just to get him to quit talking about it.

"Look," he said, lightly grasping her wrist so she'd stop walking, "he was going to come after you. At least, I _think_ he was going to. I told him to wait."

Madison's eyes shot up to his, her eyebrows drawn together. "What?" She pulled her wrist free from his grasp. "You told him not to?"

"I told him to give you some time. All you guys would've done was argued."

"No-"

"Yes, you would've. If I ever try to talk to Alexis after a fight, we always just get into an even bigger one. At least now you've got a chance to think about what you want to say to him. So that he'll understand."

She swallowed hard. "I guess you're right."

He gestured to a bench along the water's edge. "So. You and Luke, huh?"

Madison took a seat on the bench and waited for Ryan to sit beside her. "Crazy, right?"

Ryan shook his head, shrugging a shoulder. "Not really."

**oxo**

There was a light knock on Ryan's open bedroom door. "Hey," Cassidy said softly.

Ryan set the picture of him and Alexis down onto the top of the dresser. "Hi."

"I didn't know if you'd had dinner yet or anything...I'm gonna head over to the Lakeview if you want to come with."

"Uh. Yeah. Okay." On a second thought, he picked the picture up again and shoved it into his back pocket.

The walk over to the Lakeview was quiet, Ryan not really wanting to talk, Cassidy not knowing what to say. Once they were seated at the counter, their waitress immediately recognized Ryan. "So, everybody here knows you, huh?" Cassidy questioned incredulously.

"You don't know me."

"Actually- Well, _technically_, no. But I knew who you were when you came into the house. Not at first, but I knew. I grew up here."

"Sorry," he said, quickly amending, "that I didn't recognize you too. Not that you grew up here."

Cassidy gave him a half smile. "It is what it is. We – the, uh, townies, I guess – we kind of lived vicariously through you guys. To you, the place was a fool's paradise."

"Some paradise," Ryan whispered, tracing a finger around the coffee-ring stain on the counter.

"I didn't mean. Shit. Before that. I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "It is what it is."

Cassidy regarded him for a long moment, studying the set of his eyes and mouth, the hunch of his shoulders. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know." No conviction behind the words like he didn't believe her or himself.

**oxo**

"Hey! There you are!" Luke shouted from the path. "I've been looking for you guys for, I don't know, an hour? An hour and a half, maybe. Have you been down here the whole time?"

"Yeah," Madison replied, shrugging off Ryan's suit jacket. "Thanks."

"You're good?" Ryan asked as he stood.

"Yep. I'll see you later."

"Goodnight, Madison. Luke." He left them alone and headed back towards the party. He wondered what Alexis was up to. She probably wasn't too happy that Luke had left her in search of her step-sister and her plan to make Ryan jealous had failed spectacularly. But the dance was over, a couple of employees where packing away the outdoor lights and the dance floor. A glance at his watch told him it was just after midnight – he'd been with Madison for over two hours.

Not quite ready to go back to the house, he headed back for the lake – there was bound to be a couple of kids his age hanging out down there. But the beach was completely devoid of people when he arrived. Except for one solitary figure.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just out. Walking. What are _you_ doing here?"

She held up a bottle. "Drinking. By myself."

"You okay?"

"What do you care? You broke up with me, remember?"

"Alexis."

"What? What do you want from me? This summer sucked, like, _really_ sucked. Am I not allowed to...to self-medicate? You broke up with me and then Luke runs off after Madison? What the hell's that all about? If I want to get drunk, I'm gonna get drunk."

"Fine, then. Get drunk. Just don't do anything stupid."

The bottle thudded on the sand as Alexis stood. "Stupid like what? Like..." She glanced around, spying the float raft bobbing on the lake. "Like going for a midnight swim?"

"Just don't. 'Cause I'm not gonna be around to drag your drunk ass out of there when you start to drown."

"Oh, nice, Ryan." She shook her head, already starting to tug at her dress.

Ryan put his hands over hers. "Don't."

She pushed him away. "Like you _care_. Just go away."

"Fine. But don't go out there."

Alexis stood, arms crossed, with her back to him until he left. And that was the last time he saw her. Those were the last words he'd said to her. Her body had been found washed up on the beach the following morning.

**oxo**

"Ryan." Cassidy laid a gentle hand on the back of his. "It wasn't your fault."

"I told her not to go in. That I wouldn't save her when she drowned." He glanced up to meet Cassidy's gaze, almost afraid of what he'd see in her eyes. He'd never told anyone that. But she just stared back at him without judgment.

"She went anyway. _It's not your fault._"

"She hated people telling her what to do. It was practically guaranteed that she'd do the exact opposite of anything you told her to do."

"You tried to warn her. It wasn't like you...dragged her out there and...left her there. There was nothing you could've done."

"I could've stayed. I could've took her home." He shook his head again. "She might still be..."

"Is that why you...why you came back?"

"It's why I stayed away. I don't know what brought me back. I just...ended up here."

"Maybe, subconsciously, you knew you needed to come back so you could finally forgive yourself."

"I think I just ended up here."

"Are you sure?'

Ryan shrugged, covering his face with his hands and running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know anymore. And I- I'm not sure I'm comfortable to be talking about this anymore, either."

"Sorry. I was majoring in psychology in college, so..." Cassidy sighed and slid off her stool, pulling a crumpled five out of her jeans pocket. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, maybe I won't. It was nice to meet finally you, Ryan. And, while I'm intruding on your personal business, you might want to call your mother. She was kind of worried about you the last time I talked to her."

Ryan nodded. "I will. Goodbye."

"And hey? Last thing, I promise. You've gotta quit blaming yourself. Nobody thinks it was your fault but you. You've gotta let it go."

He watched Cassidy leave, unable to remember quite how his night turned out this way. She wasn't _wrong_, but...if he hadn't left Alexis alone by the lake that night, she'd still be alive. He _knew_ that. But he couldn't live his life always wondering about the 'what ifs.' Not anymore. Maybe he _had_ come back to forgive himself. Maybe this was the final step in getting his own life back.

Ryan added a couple of dollars of his own to Cassidy's five. Madison's death wasn't his fault, it had simply been a tragic accident. There was no changing his past, only his future. As he left the Lakeview, it felt as though a physical weight had been lifted off his shoulders – the weight of keeping his last moments with Alexis to himself for all those years.

He could breathe again now that he finally believed in the words he'd been telling himself. Now, he could live again.


End file.
